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I never will tell you how much I have weighed, I am so thoroughly
ashamed of it, but my normal weight is one hundred and fifty pounds, and
at one time there was seventy pounds more of me than there is now, or
has been since I knew how to control it. I was not so shameless as that
very long, and as I look back upon that short period I feel like
refunding the comfortable salary received as superintendent of an
hospital; for I know I was only sixty-five per cent efficient, for
efficiency decreases in direct proportion as excess weight increases.
Everybody knows it.
_The Meeting Is Now Open for Discussion_
Jolly Mrs. Sheesasite has the floor and wants some questions answered.
You know Mrs. Sheesasite; her husband recently bought her a pair of
freight scales.
[Sidenote: _Mrs. Sheesasite_]
"Why is it, Doctor, that thin people can eat so much more than fat
people and still not gain?"
[Sidenote: _Me Answering_]
"First: Thin people are usually more active than fat people and use up
their food.
"Second: Thin people have been proved to radiate fifty per cent more
heat per pound than fat people; in other words, fat people are regular
fireless cookers! They hold the heat in, it cannot get out through the
packing, and the food which is also contained therein goes merrily on
with fiendish regularity, depositing itself as fat.
[Illustration: Fireless Cookers.]
"And there are baby fireless cookers and children fireless cookers. The
same dietetic rules apply to them as to the adult."
"I recognize Mrs. Tiny Weyaton; then you, Mrs. Knott Little."
[Sidenote: _Mrs. Weyaton_]
"We have heard you say that fat people eat too much, and still we eat so
little?"
[Sidenote: _Me Again_]
"Yes, you eat too much, _no matter how little it is_, even if it be only
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